Wow, this blog is more quiet than me on mosque, ah well..
Everything was fine on today until this afternoon. My
girlfriend suddenly chat me and told me that’s she’s missing someone. It’s a
boy from my senior high school. She’s missing him. And I was like “well if
you’re missing someone please don’t say it to me” and she’s so pissed of that
she’s stop reply my chat. Yes, I’m jealous. I mean, how come she’s not missing
me? (Fuck, this is sound ridiculous lol). Oh give this old man a break, I don’t
even remember the last time we met. She’s been busy for the last 1 month with
her colleague things. She’s wanted to be a doctor (and amen for that).
But I understand that everything happened in here is
absolutely my fault. I mean, no woman can’t stand with me. My very first ex
leave me cause I’m super duper over protective. Super jealous. Me now am better
than myself from that time. That time I was super jerk. At first she’s find it
cute that I’m jealous (maybe). We’re being a couple for 3 years. Then she’s
suddenly asked me to break up. I don’t want to at first, but she’s insisted. So
yes, we break up. One week later, she’s having a new boyfriend. There. She’s
can’t stand with me being jealous.
On my second ex, well, many things changed now. I grow up.
I’m trying to pretend that I don’t care if she’s texting with so many boys. But
sometimes I remind her to not to get that close with those boys. Some boys even
try to flatter my ex that time. When I found out about that and with super
disappointed face I’m trying to convince her to delete his contact, but guess
what I get? She’s mad at me. Can’t you believe it? Mad at me! My blood boils. I
yelled JANCOOOK on my room while punching the wall. I’m so stress. Yet I just
can wrote about that on here cause I got nobody to listen to my crap. I’m
trying to be a good boyfriend here, but she’s just don’t respect it. Don’t
appreciate it.
My current girlfriend is pretty much the same. She’s hated
me if I’m being jealous. I’m trying to suppress the feeling of jealous. I’m
trying not to bother her. I’m trying anything to be the best one. Fuck this
feeling.
All I want is to be my girlfriend number one. Okay, number
two, no problem. Maybe number three is alright. Yes it’s okay to be number
four. Or maybe number five. But usually I ended up as the last one. Sometimes I
want to be reborn as a bad boy. Usual bad boy. Who’s likely to leave his
girlfriend to be with his friends. Being a jerk. To simply it, I want to change
my personality. I wish I could. But it’s so damn hard! I care too much and I
hope too much, that’s my problem.
